I Am Not A School Counselor
by halcyonranhuer
Summary: Tsuna spills his personal issues to the most unexpected person. Said person was not very amused. (R27 and vulgarity) One-shot.


**So yeah, KHR moment again, written in my sleep-induced stupor (like I woke up and found this story in my tablet, faintly recalling that I was typing last night). So here it is. Hopefully there isn't too much grammatical errors.**

 **In my imagination, when Tsuna is drunk, he becomes a bit more bold in his opinions and thoughts.**

 **Mochida moved to Italy where it was coincidently near the area of where Vongola HQ is. He also matured a lot despite his foul language.**

* * *

Moving to Italy was the worst idea ever.

"Seriously, Sawada."

Tsuna lazily lifted an eye up to the man beside him, lips seemingly totter on the edge of the glass, the martini on the counter reflecting the dim lights.

"Yeah seriously." He managed a reply, after a full minute.

"I don't think you get it. The problem here doesn't lie with me, but you. You!" The man jabbed an accusing finger at the slouching figure. "I am literally beside the epitome of trouble, that means you- Sawada, and there is a hundred and one things that could happen to me, considering the possibility that I might be able to make it out alive in the first place!"

Tsuna slowly swirled the drink in his hand, steadily following the tempo of the old jazz music playing in the background. He swayed to the beat, eyes closing, humming before peeking to see the other hunched over, hands clutching his black hair.

"That's why we are in a backstreet bar." Tsuna sighed nonchalantly, before adding on a "my favourite one especially".

The man slammed his hands on the auburn wood with an exasperated expression on his face. "Are you kidding me, Sawada? I thought it was important business. That's why I came. But you came in here like some hormone-filled teenager girl with lover's issues and start telling me all 'bout it like I'm your freaking school counsellor."

"Take it as retribution, Mochida-Senpai." The man slapped his hands on face muttering something along the lines of regret. Tsuna continued, oblivious to his antics. "I really don't know what's gotten into Reborn. It's like he's avoiding me. Two weeks in Germany. And then he comes back demanding another assignment to Russia. I asked Lal, and she just shrugged me off, said that it's his 'bad period' or something. I asked Colonello, who said he did try talking to him but they got into a fight afterwards. Either way, we know that Reborn is stubborn as mule and wouldn't listen. He becomes more of a jerk when it comes to feelings. He'll boxed it all up like it isn't my problem..."

By then, Mochida snatched the glass out of his hand when Tsuna was about take another sip, ignoring Tsuna's weak protest. He rambled, "Number one, you're kinda drunk. Stop talking. Go home and rest like a good kid. And two, tell this to one of your happy tree friends instead. I believe right now they are overturning Italy to look for you. What kind of Mafia boss goes out without his subordinates? Number three, I am just a civilian, who happens to be slightly affiliated with the biggest Mafia organisation. I have a wife and a kid and I very much want to return back to them alive."

Tsuna stared at him and Mochida swore. Seriously, those eyes. Big beautiful caramel orbs bore its way to his soul and in five seconds, broke his resolve to leave. Biggest fucking mistake he was making and he couldn't help it. When he heard that the Vongola Decimo had the charisma likened of a demon incubus, he knew that it wasn't fodder knowledge. It was a warning, plain as day. He just failed to heed it.

Hence fifteen minutes down the clock, he was back to being school counsellor for the said individual, like Nanimori's school counsellors ever actually solve problems.

"...can't tell them." Mochida was so amused how Tsuna hadn't slurred on his words till now. "Mukuro and Hibari are fighting again, happens whenever they come to hand in a report and I messed up on their dates. Gokudera got pulled in as well, together with Nii-san. They blew off half the mansion, caused a minor earthquake, woke Xanxus up. Obviously, he wanted to skewer them, Bel just wanted to join in cause he said it looks fun. Levi follows whatever Xanxus does. Lussuria's joined in because they ruined his nail polishing with the flying debris. Squalo's screaming for Yamamoto to fight him, they did and destroyed the garden lawn. Lambo was pissed over how his new car got crushed by the falling trees, and we don't mess with Lambo's car. I-pin was trying to calm him down. The Kokuya group then confronted all of them, because their rooms were destroyed. Chrome especially was so scary, never seen her like that before... Still, thank all the gods that the arcobaleno's out, and CEDEF and the famiglia meetings are next week. Hopefully we can get it repaired, I don't want Enma, Dino or Uni to see us like this..."

Mochida nodded dumbly, he hadn't been particularly listening, not that he would understand anyway. Tsuna's understandings, problems and experiences could not been defined as the average normality.

Instead, he recalled how Tsuna's sexual interest caught him by surprise. He thought that brunette had always been after Kyoko, but the Nanimori Middle's all classes reunion three years ago changed all. He was probably the only one at the car park, who saw Tsuna with a tall gentleman, wearing a fedora, words and actions full of flattery and sleekness, grabbing his waist gently and giving sharp glares unknown to some of his schoolmates (schoolmates that were all fondling over Tsuna) as they were departing.

At least it didn't surprise him as much as that time when he found out that the dame-Tsuna was actually mafia boss of the biggest syndicate. Back then, his company came under the eye of one particularly cruel Mafia family, but the Vongola came in to deal with the issue swiftly, avoiding any casualties. Mochida nearly fainted when they introduced Tsuna, the benevolent rescuer apparently. Not to mention that Gokudera and Yamamoto were there as his subordinates. Yes, he had to process the fact that Nanimori Middle and High's school idols were the loser's subordinates. And that there was that Hibari, that living incarnate of a demon, Tsuna also had him under his thumb.

Impressive? Mochida would disagree. It was the work beyond a god.

A series of fated (he would like to think fate played a prank here) events then led to their situation and relationship today- like how he moved to Italy a year ago. Tsuna was still ranting and Mochida still wasn't listening. He thought he would wait it out, but he got sick of it and quickly interjected a statement or two. After all, Tsuna didn't seem to be shutting up anytime soon. "So when was the last time that Reborn actually saw you?"

"When I was shot in the gut." Tsuna blinked tiredly. Obviously, he was drunk and wasn't able to register the incredulous look Mochida gave, either that or he was just blatantly ignoring it. The man continued, "Yeeah, t'was a scuffle between two f-families. 'ey, I got an idea."

Mochida shook his head vehemently. "No ideas please, and especially if it's when you're dead drunk. Just. Go. Home."

He gritted his teeth and realised how tiring it was to be sensible all the time. He was never the straight man, until today.

"I 'ot an idea. Reborn'll c'me." Tsuna giggled as he toyed with another empty glass in his hand. The brunette must have asked for another few shots sometime when Mochida wasn't paying attention. He glanced at the bartender who gave him an apologetic look and muttered something like how that kid needed it.

"Sh-oot me. He'll c'me."

That's it.

"Are you fucking insane?! I don't get just him after me. I get the entire Vongola after my ass!" Mochida lifted the brunette one hand over his shoulder.

"Dude, you seriously drank too much. Just get back home now. My phone has been buzzing for the last ten minutes. You know how crazy that Gokudera can get when it comes to you."

At that precise moment, gunshots rang throughout the bar.

"Fuck." Mochida swore as dived behind the nearest table. Tsuna was really a trouble magnet. He tried peering over the table but more gunshots came in their direction. It was then orange flames enveloped him. Turning around, he saw that Tsuna was a lot more sober than he was prior, bright orange eyes in place of the earlier hazy ones.

"Stay." Tsuna commanded, voice low and serious before fearlessly moving out. Mochida watched, his jaw hanging, was he seriously going to waltz through a bunch of bullets? He fumbled looking for his phone which he had dropped earlier as he desperately thought of something to do. Calling Tsuna's guardians were the first that came to mind.

The gunshots stop. And after the guns, came flames. Flames of all sorts of colour. Mochida didn't want to know whatever they were; he was a realist and he wasn't going to comment scientifically, he'll just go with the idea that metals like copper II were involved in the green flames (despite it looking like electricity) or that complete combustion was going on to provide the blue flames. In his messed up jumbled thoughts, he soon found the flat device and rolled over to pick it.

Explosions, more fire, more punching and kicking sounds came. Then everything was quiet, Mochida stilled his breath for a moment, grabbing his phone like a lifeline.

"I think it's alright." Tsuna came out very much unscathed, albeit looking a bit singe and dusty around the edges. Then Tsuna turned, hyper intuition flaring, pushing Mochida away as a few more especially louder shots could be heard. They collapsed behind the counters.

"Shit, what was that? What was that?" Mochida gasped, feeling as his heart was about to pack and go Nirvana any moment.

"Assassination attempt." Tsuna replied numbly. "I didn't know how they got the Intel I left the mansion."

Mochida looked and saw Tsuna pressing over his shirt, something ominously red spreading. "H-Hey..." He couldn't even begin the sentence.

"It was a sniper, somehow the bullet got through the vest." Tsuna replied before giving a tight smile, recalling the attackers' family symbols as one of the enemy families he thought Vongola had cleared away."I'm kinda used to this."

It was strange, Tsuna casted a wary glance over. This was a bulletproof suit made by the combined efforts (and lots of arguments) of Spanner, Irie and Giannini. It should be good enough to withstand majority of bullets, even flame bullets without breaking, but it took one bullet from their side to bypass it. Tsuna had an aching suspicion towards the bullets the enemy were using. They weren't normal at all. The second shot rang and Tsuna doubled over from the impact, causing Mochida to flinch.

"Just my shoulder." He muttered and confirmed his suspicions that the bullets weren't normal to be just passing through a thick wooden counter as if nothing. "You c-calling?"

"My phone's restarting, nearly broken during the impact." Mochida looked at him palely. "You alright?"

"I'll live." So Tsuna had said, but the places that he was shot at, flared intensely with searing pain. Biting down his lips nearly for them to draw blood, he pushed with the last of his energy towards the enemy. He didn't hear whatever Mochida shouted behind him.

When he came to, Mochida was shaking him so furiously. "Oi, Sawada Tsunayoshi!." The black haired man hissed. He didn't want a mafia boss _friendsaviourhelperyoungerbrother_ , dying on his watch. The bartender slowly peeked from his hiding spot.

"Uh." Tsuna cracked a reply through chapped lips. There was a sigh of relief on the other end.

"Seriously Sawada, do something about your shitty luck." Mochida laughed, the tightness initially there uncoiling off. He realised he was nearly crying.

"N-Never had any, won't be in...this mess if I 'ad some." Tsuna said as he stared blankly at the ceiling, punctured with holes and burnt crisp. "Reborn will come." He chuckled softly and Mochida rolled his eyes asking if he was still drunk.

"Perhaps." Tsuna then felt a wave of pain and rolled over hacking, Mochida's panicked shouts growing faint. He could instead only smell the metallic red that seemed to trickle down his lips, hear the wetness of his coughs and the fabric on his shirt, how the warm stickiness turned to a cold, hard dampness in a matter of seconds.

He soon heard the sound of vehicles screeching, a lot of people seemed to be screaming but he was getting tired and he was starting not to care. He made out a familiar figure looming over him after several others. It was blurry but he could still make up features, black hair, onyx eyes that seemed to burn the darkness itself, calloused hands stroking his skin. He said something Tsuna couldn't hear as he was slowly picked off the ground, but Tsuna recognised the voice nonetheless.

Tsuna grinned,"Told y-ya Reborn will come. N-Not the best way...b-but he'll come."

When Mochida heard it, he turned to look at the gentleman going still because of the shock as he placed Tsuna down into the the car.

"He's drunk." Mochida told the other. He paused for a moment before turning around, somewhere anger fuelled his next action. "And he must be damn upset to come to me about this! At least tell him your feelings, maybe he'll take one bullet off his kamikaze tactics."

The fedora shadowed his eyes but Mochida could see the scowl on his lips. Mochida continued, it was as if there was fire in the pit of his stomach swirling. "I'm no world greatest hitman or Mafia boss, but at least I understand the human heart better than you. In fact right now, I understand Sawada better than you."

The man turned swiftly, hands dangling slightly above his belt. He then paused, and got into the car, which drove away at record speed. Mochida nearly buckled out in fear. That was intense...

He then ran fingers through his messy hair, and walked away from the scene, refusing the offers from the guardians to bring him back home. He looked at the time, his messy and slightly bloody attire (well hidden though) and the cracked lines on his phone- looks like he had a lot of explaining to do to his wife tonight.

* * *

"So why are we here again?" Mochida slumped on his seat as Tsuna sat opposite him, nearly tearing up. At least the brunette was not like last time, being fucking drunk out of his mind.

"Y-You see the other day..."

"Reborn again?"

"No, all is fine with him. Three gunshots made it up." Tsuna smiled. Mochida cocked an eyebrow questioningly, madness silently overtook him huh?

"Three gunshots, and I heard from that Yamamoto, you nearly died on the way to the Vongola base. The bullets were a kind of something right? Made you barely conscious for three weeks and when you woke up for real, you were also unable to stand properly for a while."

"We fished out the rest of the enemy and Reborn said he won't have any missions for a while, so all is good. In fact, he suggested he should do 'body-guarding' instead." Tsuna chuckled but then quickly furrowed his eyebrows. "But..."

"Then what are you doing meeting me here two weeks after your recovery? And mind you, you're still using crutches to get around." Mochida was on the verge of snapping.

"Reborn's out today and I didn't want to stay in the household, got too noisy and messy." Tsuna sighed despondently.

"How did you even get out of the house in the first place...? Never mind, anyway, I made this clear the other time, I'm not your private counsellor or anything, go home! (And where are your guards?!)" Tsuna looked like a kick puppy as he slowly sipped his Latte. They were currently in a backstreet cafe, away from the main roads, with no one other than the owner in the shop and no one on the streets.

"B-But Xanxus..."

Mochida groaned inwardly, not again. And despite constant the buzzing on Tsuna's phone and Mochida's phone (he got it fixed), the older stayed to listen.

"The family is only strangely quiet and efficient when I'm injured or sick. Is it because the lack of a boss makes them do things better?"

"It's the dangerous and deadly kind of quiet and efficient. It's creepy. Italy will go up in a sea of blood if you're not there." Mochida stated and Tsuna looked at him quizzically.

"Nothing." Mochida looked hopefully at the door, for Reborn or whatever his name is, to barge in, and maybe he would advice him to become Tsuna's body guard for real. That boy is after all a walking sunshine and a magnet full of trouble.

Moving to Italy was such a wrong idea, yet Mochida didn't regret as much as he had initially thought.

* * *

 **I'm done. There was way less R27 than I expected. But it was suppose to focus on the normality of an average man that Tsuna craved so much, which in this case, Mochida. It's also interesting to write how a third person views the Vongola.**

 **Yes and after ten years in the Mafia, Tsuna thinks getting shot is just part of a process in a fight.**

 **I hope you enjoy the story.**


End file.
